I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
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I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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