On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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