i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
