dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
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Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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