Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
