There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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