he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
