Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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