there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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