so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
