from now on my penis is your penis
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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