Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
