My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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