I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
