When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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