Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
