It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
