I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
