I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
