dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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