Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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