Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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