he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
