My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
