We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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