im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
