Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
