I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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