So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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