let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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