but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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