I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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