Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
