the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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