do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
