You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
