laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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