the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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