I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
