me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
