Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
