Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
