I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
