just survived the first fart of the relationship.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
