people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
