I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
