If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
