I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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