dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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