I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
