if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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