Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
