i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
