Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There r osticjed everywhere
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize