Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
