You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
