i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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