I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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