piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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