this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
