The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
