Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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