i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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