Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
