i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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